Yet Another Reason I Never Bought a PS3

When the PS3 came out I had my concerns. To me it was a bloated mess that had as much variety as a cheese pizza and vanilla ice cream specialty store. Sure it featured a Blu-ray player built into it which at the time was clearly going to be the winner of the new HD war, but where were the games?

People will try to correct me and point towards the 360 also not having a very impressive line up at first, but by the time the PS3 and the Wii had rolled lazily off the production line the 360 had scrounged up the Rocketeer's jet pack and lassoed itself to the Millennium falcon. Microsoft was actually doing the impossible and leaving the competition in its dust for once.

This came as a bit of a shock to yours truly. In the previous console generation I despised the original Xbox. Sure it was a powerful machine at the time, but the game library was sorely missing something. Games! Call me crazy but if you are a computer software giant and you decide to release a console to compete with your already large PC based gaming population, don't fill the thing's library with Asperger ports of PC games. The Xbox offered nothing I couldn't get on my home computer except for poor graphics and a lack of user generated content. Oh, but it had Halo! Woo-hoo! Can't wait to get teabagged today by a 12 year old who just recently discovered a gaming genre that had been around since they were still a tadpole in their daddy's jewels. Great progression, you might as well enter a race against a melting glacier.

Sorry, I seem to have fell off the wagon and arrived in a scary and dark rant. The point I wanted to make with this article is that the PS3 originally had very little going for it at launch. But then it started to announce original content, and one by one they were kidnapped by Microsoft for a cross-platform gang bang in a Bill Gates hostel.

Even the much touted FF13 was eaten up by the glutenous titan Microsoft. For a game that was being developed with an engine that could "only run on the PS3", the 360 port held up rather well. The in game graphics were almost identical despite the claims that the 360 was not actually running in HD; but honestly, the only noticeable difference was the hair in the 360 version looking like it had been infested with 8-bit excite bike models. The storage capacity caused the other disparity, which was the pre-rendered cut scenes. They looked awful on the 360, but that's only because they did a sloppy last minute compression job on it to cut back on disc space. I never realized that dvds were so terribly expensive to mass produce, that must be why they can sell for as high as a whopping $1 at Wal*mart. Deer god, talk about highway robbery! They even take the security precautions to throw them haphazardly into a large bin to protect them from being damaged. Still, it didn't change the fact that the PS3 was better, even if that superiority was birthed from carelessness. So in the end, it did make me sad not owning the PS3 version of the game.

But wait!

It seems that the marginal improvement with the in-game graphics has one major downfall. Apparently all that hair rendering has caused several PS3s to explode and decimate local communities. Seeking retribution the victims took legal action. How horrible! Oh the humanity! Surely there must have been a great loss of human li... huh? What's that? Oh, looks like this glitch did not result in the apocalypse, but just disgruntled a few gamers, and since gamers have more free time than an immortal sloth tasked with measuring the growth of AstroTurf, they are seeking legal compensation.

Geez, how pathetic. Anyways, I'm off to go stare at the wall. I'm just enamored with the HD quality of life. You can actually see all the individual cracks and bumps in the texture! Wowzers!