As bad as living is right now, i think i caught a glimpse of a shiny rainbow off in the distance; that or its an on coming truck catching a color prism off a tar stained oily road surface. My over time will be ending as of Wednesday and life should return to normal. Afterward I have a few things planned.
First and foremost I will get back to blogging at least three times a week. On Thursday you can expect to see a review of the Last Airbender. M. Night has scorned me in the past and left cinematic celluloid that is almost as disturbing as watching a cow rapist finishing off the last rounds of his night shift. Still, I have my fingers crossed with this one.
I've also been spending what little free time I do have playing a free online game called Dungeon Fighter Online. Its interesting, if not a little repetitive, but then again what decent online game isn't? I intend on writing up a review to kick off a series of game critiques to compliment my oh-so clever and gut busting movie articles. Hopefully writing something on a game will give me the inspiration to finally finish that blog series on rpgs that I've been promising for two weeks now.
Friday just so happens to be payday as well and I'll be going balls deep into some comic shopping. More comic based blog entries need to appear here. Expect something on the new X-men Second Coming.
Oh, I'll also get back to the webcomic! Remind me to post some links of artwork while I'm getting things finely tuned for the big launch event. I'll have lots of booth babes and Barren Jagger
Til next time; float like a float bot, sting like an auto-mated stinging machine.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Toy Story 3 Review (My first overwhelmingly positive critique)
So this is how my childhood ends, eh?
Real men are able to admit when a movie reduces them to a wet sobbing mass of crying man-baby goop. This occurrence is rare, but it happens, and Toy Story 3 is one of those gems that pulls at the heart strings with a meat hook and doesn’t stop until you’ve been completely gored and hollowed. But why did Toy Story 3 have this affect? Well the answer lies somewhere with time.
Looking at the lower right hand corner of my computer screen I happened to notice that we live in the year 2010, and sadly we still don’t have flying cars. Now call me a loon and throw me in a padded white room, but I recall the original Toy Story was released in 1995. Talk about meditative planning. 15 years speaks words about the amount of care put into a trilogy when most movies are able to forcefully squeeze out a new chapter every summer in this post Lord of the Rings capitalist money vacuum.
When the first Toy Story was released, I was still in elementary school, and it marked a special occasion as being the first movie I saw with a friend without any adult supervision. My good childhood chum, Peter Kelly and I went to go see this new marvel of computer technology and I was captivated. This was a strong sign of things to come. Never had the world seen animation like this and the story was good to boot! The characters were rich, their challenges were emotional, it was everything an intelligent film for both adults and children could be. The sequel followed a few years later, but by then I was getting ready to enter High School and things like Toy Story didn’t interest me, I was at that ignorant age where I had other interests like naked anime women; besides, it was a sequel and how well do those things usually turn out? Well about a year later when I finally caught it on DVD I was once again amazed at how spectacular the Pixar creative wizardry was. Sure, the theme of the movie wasn’t as deep as the original, but the writing and jokes were superior. Upon reflection it’s interesting to see that the premise of that particular movie was about a collective hyper nerd, as if lampooning the nerd pop culture that was blossoming and would soon govern our society for the next decade. Very clairvoyant of you Pixar. Finally, 11 years later we have the final chapter and talk about perfect timing.
So as with most Pixar movies we begin our epic tale with an animated short, this time around we are treated to a smart piece called Night and Day. This one is a bit difficult to describe, but it’s brilliant, maybe not as good as Presto, but then again what is? Similar to the theme of Presto, Night and Day is a major throwback to the classic Chuck Jones era of 2D animation, and while Presto emulated this formula in timing, rhythm, and pacing, Night and Day does it in a much more literal sense. The only downside to this short and the one thing that keeps it from becoming my favorite occurs somewhere towards the end. The message of the story quite literally breaks the fourth wall and rudely interrupts the delicate balance of what’s being said with the physical language. A minor nitpick, but afterwards I looked over my shoulder half expecting to see someone with a mallet hitting me on the head. Regardless, it’s still one of their finer entries and once again proves that this is a company that is only growing more relevant and powerful with time.
So yeah, let’s talk about the actual movie, shall we?
Toy Story 3 begins by summing up the very nature of a young boy’s imagination really well. The first 5 minutes are so in tune with how my friends and I used to play it’s uncanny. In actuality, the first scene is used to reestablish all the central characters, as any decent sequel should. It gives us a soft transitional period to familiarize ourselves with these loveable characters once more and reminds us why we loved them in the first place.
Soon afterwards reality sets in and the audience sees what’s been happening in the past decade. The cheerful little boy Andy, who owns all of the Toys, is now a teenager going off to college. With the heavy weight of adult hood looming over his shoulders it is quickly explained to us that he hasn’t played with any of his toys in years and it looks like their fate is destined for the attic. Still, the ever loyal Boy Scout (or maybe I should say Urban Ranger since it’s a Pixar film) Woody tries to convince the others that they have nothing to fear and that Andy still loves and cherishes them just as much as he did when he was a child.
Skipping ahead a few beats, Andy, while cleaning out his room in preparation for the big move out, decides to save his toys and retire them in the attic while storing Woody in a box destined for college. Thanks to a bit of plot convenience and Andy’s mother mistaking a large black trash bag for, well, trash disposes of the toys on the sidewalk to be thrown away. Feeling completely neglected the toys donate themselves to Sunnyside daycare, a place where toys can gracefully “settle down”. Upon arriving, the toys are introduced to Lotso, a cuddly teddy who smells like strawberries and leads the toys of Sunnyside. In his utopian society all seems well, but obviously there has to be tension in order to have a movie, so not all is what it seems. Within a day the toys find themselves enslaved in a strange militaristic POW setting and must escape from a grueling nightmare of toddler torture while they’re still in one piece, so to speak.
This time around, the story deals with much darker themes than the series is used to, most likely to stick with the beat of the original audience of Toy Story circa 1995. The whole thing turns into a prison escape movie that we’ve all seen a dozen times before. However, while the plot may not be a terribly original story idea, it’s not necessarily a bad one either. If Pixar has proven one thing time and time again, it’s that they are a company that is very genre savvy. Pixar tends to be self aware of their restrictions and the limitations of the stories that they write within. Let’s face it, all of their previous titles were also derivative, even the awesomeness of The Incredibles is nothing more than a perfect homage to the works of superhero pulp fiction. Literary fiction, often times considered the best kind of fiction, develops not from a strong story idea, but from the characters and their individual dilemmas. The audience gets the most satisfaction from seeing characters that they can relate to, characters that they want to see succeed and overcome the obstacle put before them. We end up caring for the characters that are the most layered and have the most semblance of humanity, and once again Pixar delivers the goods.
Speaking of the characters, if you’ve already seen a Toy Story film then you know the roster by now, and if you haven’t seen a Toy Story film yet then I suspect you may not actually be a Human or an American for that matter – communist bastards…. So leading the cast we have Tom Hanks as Woody and Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear. For me these two actors deserve a great deal of credit and probably should pursue more work as voice actors. I doubt they have a great deal of funny voices at their beck and call, but their stand alone vocals carry a lot of range and emotion. Hanks, has always managed to emote the feeling of a strong willed leader who is unquestionably devoted to his owner. Woody is the character the audience empathizes with the most and the tradition carries here as well. Tim Allen is boisterous, loud, and exudes confidence; furthermore his character often goes through the most jarring of character personality arcs which Allen is always more than happy to accommodate.
Rounding off the cast of the returners we have: Joan Cusack who returns to fill the shoes of the always perky and exuberant Jessie from Toy Story 2. Don Rickles, a man whose short fuse and miffed persona ooze from every word he speaks as Mr. Potato Head. Wallace Shawn, who’s inconceivably talented voice work, is lent to the ever pessimistic and troubled Rex. Estell Harris, a woman so stereotypically Jewish that her nagging voice perfectly complements the diametrically opposed Don Rickles. And of course, john Ratzenberger comes back as Hamm, because let’s face it; John Ratzenberger is to Pixar as Dom Deluise is to Don Bluth.
Let’s not forget about the newbies either. To begin I must stress the new voice of Slinky dog, Blake Clark, who does an outstanding job filling the enormous shoes left behind by the late Jim Varney. Other than Blake the two key characters introduced are Lotso, voiced by Ned Beatty (don’t worry, there are no banjoes within miles of this film) and Michael Keaton as the Ken doll. These two were phenomenal in their respective roles. Mr. Beatty does a terrific job as both a kind hearted, deeply troubled, and menacing villain. One of the biggest problems with the first two Toy Story films was that neither of them had very interesting or well constructed enemies. Both the bully from the first film and the prospector from the second were in many ways flat and unsympathetic. Lotso on the other hand has as many layers as a parfait, and Ned Beatty’s voice definitely helps to get across all the multi faceted layers that lie within each fold of his cotton stuffing. Michael Keaton on the other hand is simply played for laughs, but it works wonders. Keaton always works best when he is doing comedies, hell Beetlejuice alone is evidence of that and I always wondered where he had disappeared to over the past few years. Despite low profile, it’s good to have him back, and it’s nice to see him playing up a foppish and dapper pansy boy who desperately wants to be seen as a tough guy.
On a technical level the movie also impressed me. Sure I saw it in 3d but unlike that atrocity Alice in Wonderland, this movie didn’t induce ocular bleeding whenever red was present on the screen. The real treat with this picture is how contemporary and modern the graphics look despite the characters not appearing to have changed at all in the past 15 years. Whatever the animators did, it worked. The illusion of the classic design mingling with modern special effects truly shines.
The barebones artistic craft of film making was also impressive. All the editing, cinematography, and visual imagery really compliments the feeling of each scene. Even the somber moments of the film when it takes a decidedly dark tone paints a picture for the audience with every leaf, background object, and subtle lighting effect on display. Although to be honest this shouldn’t come as any surprise from Pixar. Even their worst movies like Cars were outstanding in this regard. Let’s face it: birds fly, nerds wank, Tiger Woods makes forced apologies, and Pixar knows their cinema.
After 15 long years and having grown up with these characters, this final movie leaves me both sad and infinitely happy at the same time. I can’t help but feel that this final movie is going to resonate with my generation more than any other. These are characters we were first introduced to when we were about Andy’s age in the original and now the series comes to a close with a fond farewell to both childhood and friends while embracing the future with a modest warmth and optimistic sense of excitement. The final moments of this movie had me reflecting upon my own childhood and took me back to the moments when I first had to leave for college and the time I left my parents’ home to strike it on my own. When viewing this movie I attended a 9:25pm showing on a Tuesday night and the theater was occupied by no children or middle aged adults. Everyone was around my age and I felt a sort of kinship, a kind of synergy with them as if there was an unspoken message being sent to one another that this was in fact a love letter to all the innocent wide eyed children who remember seeing the first film in theaters. For a movie trilogy that is not actually telling a single over arching narrative, I get this sense that the three movies work together very well to tell a complete story about these simple inanimate objects and what they mean to the people who love them. This in many ways is a perfect trilogy and while it saddens me to see it gone, I’m glad they gave me a conclusion. There are so many companies out there who desperately seek to make sequels just for the money, but this is a movie that needed to be made for the fans. Thanks for the good times; I’ll always have the memories.
By the way Pixar, nice touch with Tottoro.
Real men are able to admit when a movie reduces them to a wet sobbing mass of crying man-baby goop. This occurrence is rare, but it happens, and Toy Story 3 is one of those gems that pulls at the heart strings with a meat hook and doesn’t stop until you’ve been completely gored and hollowed. But why did Toy Story 3 have this affect? Well the answer lies somewhere with time.
Looking at the lower right hand corner of my computer screen I happened to notice that we live in the year 2010, and sadly we still don’t have flying cars. Now call me a loon and throw me in a padded white room, but I recall the original Toy Story was released in 1995. Talk about meditative planning. 15 years speaks words about the amount of care put into a trilogy when most movies are able to forcefully squeeze out a new chapter every summer in this post Lord of the Rings capitalist money vacuum.
When the first Toy Story was released, I was still in elementary school, and it marked a special occasion as being the first movie I saw with a friend without any adult supervision. My good childhood chum, Peter Kelly and I went to go see this new marvel of computer technology and I was captivated. This was a strong sign of things to come. Never had the world seen animation like this and the story was good to boot! The characters were rich, their challenges were emotional, it was everything an intelligent film for both adults and children could be. The sequel followed a few years later, but by then I was getting ready to enter High School and things like Toy Story didn’t interest me, I was at that ignorant age where I had other interests like naked anime women; besides, it was a sequel and how well do those things usually turn out? Well about a year later when I finally caught it on DVD I was once again amazed at how spectacular the Pixar creative wizardry was. Sure, the theme of the movie wasn’t as deep as the original, but the writing and jokes were superior. Upon reflection it’s interesting to see that the premise of that particular movie was about a collective hyper nerd, as if lampooning the nerd pop culture that was blossoming and would soon govern our society for the next decade. Very clairvoyant of you Pixar. Finally, 11 years later we have the final chapter and talk about perfect timing.
So as with most Pixar movies we begin our epic tale with an animated short, this time around we are treated to a smart piece called Night and Day. This one is a bit difficult to describe, but it’s brilliant, maybe not as good as Presto, but then again what is? Similar to the theme of Presto, Night and Day is a major throwback to the classic Chuck Jones era of 2D animation, and while Presto emulated this formula in timing, rhythm, and pacing, Night and Day does it in a much more literal sense. The only downside to this short and the one thing that keeps it from becoming my favorite occurs somewhere towards the end. The message of the story quite literally breaks the fourth wall and rudely interrupts the delicate balance of what’s being said with the physical language. A minor nitpick, but afterwards I looked over my shoulder half expecting to see someone with a mallet hitting me on the head. Regardless, it’s still one of their finer entries and once again proves that this is a company that is only growing more relevant and powerful with time.
So yeah, let’s talk about the actual movie, shall we?
Toy Story 3 begins by summing up the very nature of a young boy’s imagination really well. The first 5 minutes are so in tune with how my friends and I used to play it’s uncanny. In actuality, the first scene is used to reestablish all the central characters, as any decent sequel should. It gives us a soft transitional period to familiarize ourselves with these loveable characters once more and reminds us why we loved them in the first place.
Soon afterwards reality sets in and the audience sees what’s been happening in the past decade. The cheerful little boy Andy, who owns all of the Toys, is now a teenager going off to college. With the heavy weight of adult hood looming over his shoulders it is quickly explained to us that he hasn’t played with any of his toys in years and it looks like their fate is destined for the attic. Still, the ever loyal Boy Scout (or maybe I should say Urban Ranger since it’s a Pixar film) Woody tries to convince the others that they have nothing to fear and that Andy still loves and cherishes them just as much as he did when he was a child.
Skipping ahead a few beats, Andy, while cleaning out his room in preparation for the big move out, decides to save his toys and retire them in the attic while storing Woody in a box destined for college. Thanks to a bit of plot convenience and Andy’s mother mistaking a large black trash bag for, well, trash disposes of the toys on the sidewalk to be thrown away. Feeling completely neglected the toys donate themselves to Sunnyside daycare, a place where toys can gracefully “settle down”. Upon arriving, the toys are introduced to Lotso, a cuddly teddy who smells like strawberries and leads the toys of Sunnyside. In his utopian society all seems well, but obviously there has to be tension in order to have a movie, so not all is what it seems. Within a day the toys find themselves enslaved in a strange militaristic POW setting and must escape from a grueling nightmare of toddler torture while they’re still in one piece, so to speak.
This time around, the story deals with much darker themes than the series is used to, most likely to stick with the beat of the original audience of Toy Story circa 1995. The whole thing turns into a prison escape movie that we’ve all seen a dozen times before. However, while the plot may not be a terribly original story idea, it’s not necessarily a bad one either. If Pixar has proven one thing time and time again, it’s that they are a company that is very genre savvy. Pixar tends to be self aware of their restrictions and the limitations of the stories that they write within. Let’s face it, all of their previous titles were also derivative, even the awesomeness of The Incredibles is nothing more than a perfect homage to the works of superhero pulp fiction. Literary fiction, often times considered the best kind of fiction, develops not from a strong story idea, but from the characters and their individual dilemmas. The audience gets the most satisfaction from seeing characters that they can relate to, characters that they want to see succeed and overcome the obstacle put before them. We end up caring for the characters that are the most layered and have the most semblance of humanity, and once again Pixar delivers the goods.
Speaking of the characters, if you’ve already seen a Toy Story film then you know the roster by now, and if you haven’t seen a Toy Story film yet then I suspect you may not actually be a Human or an American for that matter – communist bastards…. So leading the cast we have Tom Hanks as Woody and Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear. For me these two actors deserve a great deal of credit and probably should pursue more work as voice actors. I doubt they have a great deal of funny voices at their beck and call, but their stand alone vocals carry a lot of range and emotion. Hanks, has always managed to emote the feeling of a strong willed leader who is unquestionably devoted to his owner. Woody is the character the audience empathizes with the most and the tradition carries here as well. Tim Allen is boisterous, loud, and exudes confidence; furthermore his character often goes through the most jarring of character personality arcs which Allen is always more than happy to accommodate.
Rounding off the cast of the returners we have: Joan Cusack who returns to fill the shoes of the always perky and exuberant Jessie from Toy Story 2. Don Rickles, a man whose short fuse and miffed persona ooze from every word he speaks as Mr. Potato Head. Wallace Shawn, who’s inconceivably talented voice work, is lent to the ever pessimistic and troubled Rex. Estell Harris, a woman so stereotypically Jewish that her nagging voice perfectly complements the diametrically opposed Don Rickles. And of course, john Ratzenberger comes back as Hamm, because let’s face it; John Ratzenberger is to Pixar as Dom Deluise is to Don Bluth.
Let’s not forget about the newbies either. To begin I must stress the new voice of Slinky dog, Blake Clark, who does an outstanding job filling the enormous shoes left behind by the late Jim Varney. Other than Blake the two key characters introduced are Lotso, voiced by Ned Beatty (don’t worry, there are no banjoes within miles of this film) and Michael Keaton as the Ken doll. These two were phenomenal in their respective roles. Mr. Beatty does a terrific job as both a kind hearted, deeply troubled, and menacing villain. One of the biggest problems with the first two Toy Story films was that neither of them had very interesting or well constructed enemies. Both the bully from the first film and the prospector from the second were in many ways flat and unsympathetic. Lotso on the other hand has as many layers as a parfait, and Ned Beatty’s voice definitely helps to get across all the multi faceted layers that lie within each fold of his cotton stuffing. Michael Keaton on the other hand is simply played for laughs, but it works wonders. Keaton always works best when he is doing comedies, hell Beetlejuice alone is evidence of that and I always wondered where he had disappeared to over the past few years. Despite low profile, it’s good to have him back, and it’s nice to see him playing up a foppish and dapper pansy boy who desperately wants to be seen as a tough guy.
On a technical level the movie also impressed me. Sure I saw it in 3d but unlike that atrocity Alice in Wonderland, this movie didn’t induce ocular bleeding whenever red was present on the screen. The real treat with this picture is how contemporary and modern the graphics look despite the characters not appearing to have changed at all in the past 15 years. Whatever the animators did, it worked. The illusion of the classic design mingling with modern special effects truly shines.
The barebones artistic craft of film making was also impressive. All the editing, cinematography, and visual imagery really compliments the feeling of each scene. Even the somber moments of the film when it takes a decidedly dark tone paints a picture for the audience with every leaf, background object, and subtle lighting effect on display. Although to be honest this shouldn’t come as any surprise from Pixar. Even their worst movies like Cars were outstanding in this regard. Let’s face it: birds fly, nerds wank, Tiger Woods makes forced apologies, and Pixar knows their cinema.
After 15 long years and having grown up with these characters, this final movie leaves me both sad and infinitely happy at the same time. I can’t help but feel that this final movie is going to resonate with my generation more than any other. These are characters we were first introduced to when we were about Andy’s age in the original and now the series comes to a close with a fond farewell to both childhood and friends while embracing the future with a modest warmth and optimistic sense of excitement. The final moments of this movie had me reflecting upon my own childhood and took me back to the moments when I first had to leave for college and the time I left my parents’ home to strike it on my own. When viewing this movie I attended a 9:25pm showing on a Tuesday night and the theater was occupied by no children or middle aged adults. Everyone was around my age and I felt a sort of kinship, a kind of synergy with them as if there was an unspoken message being sent to one another that this was in fact a love letter to all the innocent wide eyed children who remember seeing the first film in theaters. For a movie trilogy that is not actually telling a single over arching narrative, I get this sense that the three movies work together very well to tell a complete story about these simple inanimate objects and what they mean to the people who love them. This in many ways is a perfect trilogy and while it saddens me to see it gone, I’m glad they gave me a conclusion. There are so many companies out there who desperately seek to make sequels just for the money, but this is a movie that needed to be made for the fans. Thanks for the good times; I’ll always have the memories.
By the way Pixar, nice touch with Tottoro.
Friday, June 18, 2010
You Gotta Be F*ing Kidding Me
I'm quoting Kurt Russel from The Thing for a reason. Life is about to suck.
I know that I've been promising a lot lately, and things have been trickling in at the pace of a snail racing across a field of molasses, but production on all my work is about to grind to a screeching halt. Mandatory overtime is on the horizon and it looks like my company is demanding that everyone put in about 50 hours per week. As a result I won't have any free time to work on things like my website or this blog since I'll be using all my spare time looking for a new job.
There will still be updates on the blog, but nothing huge. As for the website, it won't be going live until sometime in July (if I'm lucky). Hopefully something comes up, because this really isn't worth it.
I know that I've been promising a lot lately, and things have been trickling in at the pace of a snail racing across a field of molasses, but production on all my work is about to grind to a screeching halt. Mandatory overtime is on the horizon and it looks like my company is demanding that everyone put in about 50 hours per week. As a result I won't have any free time to work on things like my website or this blog since I'll be using all my spare time looking for a new job.
There will still be updates on the blog, but nothing huge. As for the website, it won't be going live until sometime in July (if I'm lucky). Hopefully something comes up, because this really isn't worth it.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Crisis Averted
Praise be to science! Alright, I managed to clean up the website a bit and its now functional; a little bland, but functional none the less. At this point and time I'm about as ready to go as a handicapped man in a broken down motorized wheelchair sitting next to a rickety octopus ride with an elephant tethered to one end.
Site is now ready on my end (again), so I just have to wait for hosting; in the meantime I'll get back to designing actual content. Over the next month or so with my free time I will also be polishing up the finer details of the web page's layout so that it doesn't look so garish. Until then: eat well, have a laugh or two, and remember to wash your unmentionables.
Site is now ready on my end (again), so I just have to wait for hosting; in the meantime I'll get back to designing actual content. Over the next month or so with my free time I will also be polishing up the finer details of the web page's layout so that it doesn't look so garish. Until then: eat well, have a laugh or two, and remember to wash your unmentionables.
Just Great
Website is gonna be a while. Forget about the problems I'm having with hostgator, the site isn't ready to launch at all. Been spending the last couple of days testing the site and nothing seems to be running as intended. Going to have to do a lot more testing here. This of course also means that I will be cutting back on my blog posts at the moment. Not to worry, I'll get this straightened out sooner or later.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Something Truly Heinous
While writing and browsing the internet (mostly browsing the internet) I discovered a black hole of banality that will forever plague my existence. Be warned, for once I speak of this, the knowledge will have taken root in your mind, and its vile roots will germinate into a disgusting toxin that will destroy you.
There is a sequel to The Secret of Nimh. No, I'm not talking about the book, I'm talking about the 1982 Don Bluth adaptation. The animated film that is one of the most intelligent and mesmerizing achievements of animation for its time. Let me repeat that for you, there is a sequel to the Secret of Nimh. Go and grab your safety blanket if you have one. I'll save you the soul crush this evening and do a quick review for you. I saw the first 5 minutes of it and I now wish to destroy all that is good in this world. I want to stomp on kittens, shove a child's ice cream cone right in their face, and rip the wings off of butterflies. What innocence I once had has been scraped violently from me with a rusted spatula, leaving a hollow rotten husk.
There is one ray of sunshine here, despite all of Don Bluth's short comings over the years, he had zero input in this project. MGM, the studio that owns the rights to the movie made this straight to video release without any concern or appreciation for the original and did so without the consent of Mr. Bluth. Yep, it was merely a cash grab.
You're probably tempted to go look it up on youtube now, where there is video footage to be found, but please don't. For the love of all that's holy and sacred in this world, don't do it. Look into the abyss and the abyss looks back.
There is a sequel to The Secret of Nimh. No, I'm not talking about the book, I'm talking about the 1982 Don Bluth adaptation. The animated film that is one of the most intelligent and mesmerizing achievements of animation for its time. Let me repeat that for you, there is a sequel to the Secret of Nimh. Go and grab your safety blanket if you have one. I'll save you the soul crush this evening and do a quick review for you. I saw the first 5 minutes of it and I now wish to destroy all that is good in this world. I want to stomp on kittens, shove a child's ice cream cone right in their face, and rip the wings off of butterflies. What innocence I once had has been scraped violently from me with a rusted spatula, leaving a hollow rotten husk.
There is one ray of sunshine here, despite all of Don Bluth's short comings over the years, he had zero input in this project. MGM, the studio that owns the rights to the movie made this straight to video release without any concern or appreciation for the original and did so without the consent of Mr. Bluth. Yep, it was merely a cash grab.
You're probably tempted to go look it up on youtube now, where there is video footage to be found, but please don't. For the love of all that's holy and sacred in this world, don't do it. Look into the abyss and the abyss looks back.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Website is Complete. Sort of
Title says it all but leaves out one important detail. The domain for the page still isn't active yet. Waiting on Hostgator to switch over to the new domain name I purchased. This should have been completed about two days ago, but seems like they are a bit busy over there and my ticket for the change is hovering in some sort of limbo. Oh well. Now that the page is complete, I'll try to work on that RPG blog I've been promising.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Yet Another Reason I Never Bought a PS3
When the PS3 came out I had my concerns. To me it was a bloated mess that had as much variety as a cheese pizza and vanilla ice cream specialty store. Sure it featured a Blu-ray player built into it which at the time was clearly going to be the winner of the new HD war, but where were the games?
People will try to correct me and point towards the 360 also not having a very impressive line up at first, but by the time the PS3 and the Wii had rolled lazily off the production line the 360 had scrounged up the Rocketeer's jet pack and lassoed itself to the Millennium falcon. Microsoft was actually doing the impossible and leaving the competition in its dust for once.
This came as a bit of a shock to yours truly. In the previous console generation I despised the original Xbox. Sure it was a powerful machine at the time, but the game library was sorely missing something. Games! Call me crazy but if you are a computer software giant and you decide to release a console to compete with your already large PC based gaming population, don't fill the thing's library with Asperger ports of PC games. The Xbox offered nothing I couldn't get on my home computer except for poor graphics and a lack of user generated content. Oh, but it had Halo! Woo-hoo! Can't wait to get teabagged today by a 12 year old who just recently discovered a gaming genre that had been around since they were still a tadpole in their daddy's jewels. Great progression, you might as well enter a race against a melting glacier.
Sorry, I seem to have fell off the wagon and arrived in a scary and dark rant. The point I wanted to make with this article is that the PS3 originally had very little going for it at launch. But then it started to announce original content, and one by one they were kidnapped by Microsoft for a cross-platform gang bang in a Bill Gates hostel.
Even the much touted FF13 was eaten up by the glutenous titan Microsoft. For a game that was being developed with an engine that could "only run on the PS3", the 360 port held up rather well. The in game graphics were almost identical despite the claims that the 360 was not actually running in HD; but honestly, the only noticeable difference was the hair in the 360 version looking like it had been infested with 8-bit excite bike models. The storage capacity caused the other disparity, which was the pre-rendered cut scenes. They looked awful on the 360, but that's only because they did a sloppy last minute compression job on it to cut back on disc space. I never realized that dvds were so terribly expensive to mass produce, that must be why they can sell for as high as a whopping $1 at Wal*mart. Deer god, talk about highway robbery! They even take the security precautions to throw them haphazardly into a large bin to protect them from being damaged. Still, it didn't change the fact that the PS3 was better, even if that superiority was birthed from carelessness. So in the end, it did make me sad not owning the PS3 version of the game.
But wait!
It seems that the marginal improvement with the in-game graphics has one major downfall. Apparently all that hair rendering has caused several PS3s to explode and decimate local communities. Seeking retribution the victims took legal action. How horrible! Oh the humanity! Surely there must have been a great loss of human li... huh? What's that? Oh, looks like this glitch did not result in the apocalypse, but just disgruntled a few gamers, and since gamers have more free time than an immortal sloth tasked with measuring the growth of AstroTurf, they are seeking legal compensation.
Geez, how pathetic. Anyways, I'm off to go stare at the wall. I'm just enamored with the HD quality of life. You can actually see all the individual cracks and bumps in the texture! Wowzers!
People will try to correct me and point towards the 360 also not having a very impressive line up at first, but by the time the PS3 and the Wii had rolled lazily off the production line the 360 had scrounged up the Rocketeer's jet pack and lassoed itself to the Millennium falcon. Microsoft was actually doing the impossible and leaving the competition in its dust for once.
This came as a bit of a shock to yours truly. In the previous console generation I despised the original Xbox. Sure it was a powerful machine at the time, but the game library was sorely missing something. Games! Call me crazy but if you are a computer software giant and you decide to release a console to compete with your already large PC based gaming population, don't fill the thing's library with Asperger ports of PC games. The Xbox offered nothing I couldn't get on my home computer except for poor graphics and a lack of user generated content. Oh, but it had Halo! Woo-hoo! Can't wait to get teabagged today by a 12 year old who just recently discovered a gaming genre that had been around since they were still a tadpole in their daddy's jewels. Great progression, you might as well enter a race against a melting glacier.
Sorry, I seem to have fell off the wagon and arrived in a scary and dark rant. The point I wanted to make with this article is that the PS3 originally had very little going for it at launch. But then it started to announce original content, and one by one they were kidnapped by Microsoft for a cross-platform gang bang in a Bill Gates hostel.
Even the much touted FF13 was eaten up by the glutenous titan Microsoft. For a game that was being developed with an engine that could "only run on the PS3", the 360 port held up rather well. The in game graphics were almost identical despite the claims that the 360 was not actually running in HD; but honestly, the only noticeable difference was the hair in the 360 version looking like it had been infested with 8-bit excite bike models. The storage capacity caused the other disparity, which was the pre-rendered cut scenes. They looked awful on the 360, but that's only because they did a sloppy last minute compression job on it to cut back on disc space. I never realized that dvds were so terribly expensive to mass produce, that must be why they can sell for as high as a whopping $1 at Wal*mart. Deer god, talk about highway robbery! They even take the security precautions to throw them haphazardly into a large bin to protect them from being damaged. Still, it didn't change the fact that the PS3 was better, even if that superiority was birthed from carelessness. So in the end, it did make me sad not owning the PS3 version of the game.
But wait!
It seems that the marginal improvement with the in-game graphics has one major downfall. Apparently all that hair rendering has caused several PS3s to explode and decimate local communities. Seeking retribution the victims took legal action. How horrible! Oh the humanity! Surely there must have been a great loss of human li... huh? What's that? Oh, looks like this glitch did not result in the apocalypse, but just disgruntled a few gamers, and since gamers have more free time than an immortal sloth tasked with measuring the growth of AstroTurf, they are seeking legal compensation.
Geez, how pathetic. Anyways, I'm off to go stare at the wall. I'm just enamored with the HD quality of life. You can actually see all the individual cracks and bumps in the texture! Wowzers!
Curse you, Website!
Ok, it looks like I spent most of Wednesday working on my website and spent very little time on my latest blog entry. I apologize for this inconvenience. Don't despair, tomorrow is another day filled with opportunities, unicorns, and magical trolls that nurse vicious emotional wounds with candy and sunshine. I'll get this blog finished if its the last thing I do! Until then, keep reading. And remember to look for www.oddballworld.com, opening in a matter of days (keeps fingers crossed).
Monday, June 7, 2010
RPG Blog Update
The First blog in a long series on RPGs will be posted this Wednesday. I apologize for the delay, I was hoping to get this thing written up by today but I've been occupied with another equally important thing. This "thing" is a webcomic I hope to get up and running here in a few weeks. I've had this idea for a comic for ages now, but never got around to doing anything with it. Now the ball is rolling on the project, I payed all my fees to get the domain and webhosting and I'm finalizing some materials for the page as I write this article. So yeah, keep your eyes on the horizon for that little project as well.
That's it for now. Before I go I suppose I can give you a brief summary of the Wednesday blog. The focus will be on the very first RPGs I ever played and how they stand up today. Look forward to a lot of bitterness in that one.
That's it for now. Before I go I suppose I can give you a brief summary of the Wednesday blog. The focus will be on the very first RPGs I ever played and how they stand up today. Look forward to a lot of bitterness in that one.
Friday, June 4, 2010
One Last Thing
The Hobbit project is officially canned. Sad days sure, but don't blame Guillermo, its not his fault. Just some complications over distribution/copy write/some corporate bull that I don't feel like going into detail over. Don't fret young viewer, there's a silver lining here, now that Guillermo is freed up he can move on to his next project. Hellboy 3 anyone?
Things Yet to Come.
To say that I am an RPG fanatic is about as appropriate as calling Charles Manson a loony guy; sure its true, but there might be a better adjective somewhere in the unabridged Webster. I love all RPGs, whether they be western, "J", or MMO. Most of my childhood seems to be filled with anti-social memories of me sitting at home curled up in a blanket taking on the adventures of a mute hero.
To honor my devotion/addiction I will be writing about both new and old rpgs that I've played over the years. The focus of these writings will be on the ones that were either so good that they permanently took up residence in the tiny spot of my brain that used to house important stuff, or so bad that they left their mark by scarring my brain tissue. These writings may or may not follow any type of order, but I will try to keep it chronological. Can't make any promises on that though, we'll see what happens as the days pass.
So that's it for now. Before I go, I want to take the time to honor the late and great Dennis Hopper. I realize that his death is old news by now, but last night I got around to watching Blue Velvet to honor his memory. After sitting down and going through the movie again I began to understand just how talented he was and came to the understanding that we really did lose a great actor. For those of you who have never seen Blue Velvet, it gets the official Cactus stamp of approval. Watch at your own risk though, its a very disturbing movie that will have you questioning human behavior in no time. The sick and demented sort of surrealism that is right up my alley.
Until my next blog, keep reading and take the time to check out Dennis Hopper's filmography if you haven't done so before; yes, that includes the Super Mario Brother's movie.
To honor my devotion/addiction I will be writing about both new and old rpgs that I've played over the years. The focus of these writings will be on the ones that were either so good that they permanently took up residence in the tiny spot of my brain that used to house important stuff, or so bad that they left their mark by scarring my brain tissue. These writings may or may not follow any type of order, but I will try to keep it chronological. Can't make any promises on that though, we'll see what happens as the days pass.
So that's it for now. Before I go, I want to take the time to honor the late and great Dennis Hopper. I realize that his death is old news by now, but last night I got around to watching Blue Velvet to honor his memory. After sitting down and going through the movie again I began to understand just how talented he was and came to the understanding that we really did lose a great actor. For those of you who have never seen Blue Velvet, it gets the official Cactus stamp of approval. Watch at your own risk though, its a very disturbing movie that will have you questioning human behavior in no time. The sick and demented sort of surrealism that is right up my alley.
Until my next blog, keep reading and take the time to check out Dennis Hopper's filmography if you haven't done so before; yes, that includes the Super Mario Brother's movie.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Prince of Persia Review
Clearly I spent way too much time in Elementary school drawing pictures of the X-men on my book covers as I seem to have missed the part in History class where Persia was inhabited by white folk who spoke in British accents. Wait a tick! This is Hollywood magic, isn’t it? Oh ho, thought you could pull the wool over my eyes yet again did you greedy corporate film executives? Well I’m on to your tomfoolery!
Hoping to strike oil twice and smother our baby seal-like innocence like some BP prick, Disney has decided to spawn yet another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Only this time around it takes place in the desert and Captain Jack Sparrow is an aging Doctor Octopus. I am of course referring to last weekend’s box office blunder, The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
For the uneducated, The Prince of Persia is a long running video game franchise, and while this is the kind of movie that brings back painful memories of that dream I had where I was Jody Foster in a room of pinball machines, I nevertheless went into the theaters with my head held high. This was Disney after all, and while Disney has spawned some atrocious things over the years, they have also proven themselves as a remarkably creative company. After all, any company that can take an amusement park ride and translate it into one of the most entertaining and memorable popcorn movies of the last decade can surely provide us with a video game movie adaptation that won’t have me burning out all those childhood memories of playing the game by inserting a sparkler into my ear. Right? Without beating around the bush, let me provide you with an answer. No – erm, maybe.
Saying that this was one of the best video game adaptations of all time isn’t necessarily a point in its favor, but that’s the general conclusion I arrived at. I realize that isn’t a very clear cut answer, and probably not the thing that a person wants to hear when they read a movie review. So I’ll tell you what, seeing as how I view myself as a professional in the same way a rodeo clown might be seen as a professional horse therapist, I’ll go into a bit more depth and try to excavate a more palatable critique.
The movie begins when a nation of ass-hats that might as well be an allegory for most contemporary war hungry titans, gee I wonder who that could be, storms a holy kingdom in an attempt to prevent them from manufacturing weapons for enemy states. Well surprise, surprise, turns out there were no weapons and the whole attack was issued to seize control of some sacred dagger that can turn back time. The perpetrator was Sir Ben Kingsley, and if you think I just spoiled the movie by revealing to you that Ben Kingsley was the antagonist then let me take this time to also spoil the fact that starting into the sun for extended periods may cause complications during future movie viewings. So after the invasion takes place Ben Kingsley’s brother, who is king, gets a nasty rash from his Pajamas and Jake Gyllenhaal, the street rat prince, has the blame placed squarely on his shoulders. Rather than put him on trial, the castle guards get the crafty idea of dropping a jet turbine on ol’ Jake, but seeing as how he seemingly survived that twice now they instead try to cut him down on the spot. Jake escapes, takes the princess of the castle with him, and the two embark on a quest to right what is wrong and stop the nefarious plot. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Yes, we are looking at a pretty typical adventure movie, but that isn’t all bad. Most teachers will tell English students that the heart and soul of writing lies in the characters. If the audience can connect and feel compassion for the characters and their actions then congratulations, you have an engaging story. Sadly the characters are about as fresh and interesting as a bloated corpse with a television set on its back displaying Ben Stein detailing how the murder occurred.
The protagonist is played by Jake Gyllenhaal whom I haven’t seen in a while; no doubt coming back to the big screen to contend with the likes of the Gyllenhaal family Skeksis swamp hag, you know, the thing that was in The Dark Knight? I think it might be their pet or something. And to be fair, Jake gives a decent enough performance considering what he is being offered here. There is some sincerity to his deliverance and whenever possible I noticed a sliver of cleverness poking out of his chiseled pecks, but when you go over the whole thing with a fine toothed comb you notice that just like a prostitute’s soul, the character is completely nonexistent and that protrusion is just an erect nipple. He’s eye candy for the ladies to flick their bean to and fills the shoes of the young and daring prince rather well I must say.
Then there’s the female support who might as well be a cardboard cutout standing in a Suncoast video store. Admittedly she is round where it counts, if you catch my perverted drift; in fact, since I can’t remember her character’s name or her real life name, let’s just call her Tits. So Tits is some holy woman who is well trained in the protection of sacred artifacts, and by well trained I mean she has no combat or mystical techniques whatsoever and easily bends over for insertion once someone takes possession of her boon. That’s not all, she is also an isolated princess with no understanding of the outside world, hurray! I was starting to care about her. This archetype of the naive princess can be a lot of fun if you’re smart, unlike the screenwriter for this movie, but here it just comes off as boring and retarded. I half expected a scene with her staring into a pond trying to figure out why the palace servants would put water out in the middle of the desert. And of course, despite her absolute hatred of Jake Gyllenhaal she has a complete character reversal halfway through the movie and begins to fall for the lug; umm, consistency? People will correct me and try to tell me that this was some destined love thing based on future events of the movie, but I don’t buy it. Princess Tits goes from a hormonally PMS raging Velociraptor with sand up its clam to a swooning sleepy-eyed stereotype all because her kidnapper put his hand on hers. Never heard of Stockholm syndrome being used as an aphrodisiac before, but now that it’s on the table I think I’ll go ahead with my plot to kidnap Rihanna.
So with bland characters and an uninteresting plot the only thing left to fall back on is the action and set pieces, and surprisingly this is where the movie excels. Given the fact that this is a Disney movie, the budget definitely shows. The special effects are spectacular and what are most impressive are the locations and set pieces. Unlike a lot of movies these days that rely on CGing the whole damn thing, a lot of the sets have an authenticity to them. Most were filmed on location in beautiful desert vistas while others look like studio mock-ups that were hand crafted by master set designers. This actually wins the movie a few bonus points although to be fair it is still just sand and mountains most of the time giving the movie little color outside various shades of brown. This sort of color selection reminds me a lot of current generation video games and seeing as how this is based on the more recent Prince of Persia games this may in fact be a subtle homage. Clever. Oh wait, no; “horseshit” is what I meant to say.
Also, the movie pays respect to the video game by featuring several “free-running” scenes where the characters jump from roof to roof, scaffold to scaffold, silliness to kookiness, et cetera. In case you readers have fallen asleep the past few years, that real life sport of free running (designed by people in desperate need to collect on life insurance I guess) has got its fingers wrapped tightly around the neck of all platform action titles. People seem to forget that this sort of game play has actually existed as far back as pitfall and the original Prince of Persia titles in the ‘80s. For those of us who know we’ll just keep our mouths shut and let the kiddies continue to believe that glittering vampires are a good idea. Thankfully, these moments of the movie do well to pump the movie with some much needed excitement and action.
On a craftsmen’s level the movie holds up well outside of the glaring editing mistakes. This is most apparent in the early portions of the movie. Whoever was editing this must have been busy staring at his hand the whole time he was cutting between scenes. To say its jarring is like saying Uwe Bowl is a bad director, it’s damn obvious and defies logic as it seems like it would require a specific kind of talent or skill to be this bad.
On a final note, one thing that does beg to be mentioned is the time reverting element of the movie. Time traveling plots are always shaky as it eliminates any sort of tension that might exist in the movie. What’s the harm in someone dying when you can just go back, prevent said expiration and bonk the baddy over the head for being a dick? Luckily that is somewhat dispelled in this movie with the convenient plot device of fuel for the mystical time traveling dagger. Rather than have an unlimited supply of DeLorean juice, the dagger requires very specific sand which is in limited supply. As a result time traveling can only occur in short bursts and only happens maybe 4 times throughout the entirety of the movie. Here I was worrying that they’d be jumping back and forth as fast as a sugar-buzzed 5 year old with the taco shits trying to find the one working bathroom stall out of 100.
So again, returning to my original thoughts on the movie let me sum it up like this. Meh. The movie isn’t bad, it’s not great, it’s not really anything. By the time I left the theaters I was sure I had seen one of the best video game movies of all time, but being the best video game movie is a lot like being the best Sonic the Hedgehog game of the past decade: it’s not a particularly fascinating or challenging accomplishment, nobody cares, and the only thing it does is reminds people of the older source material that they could be spending their free time with. Still, the movie succeeds at being a big budget summer action flick and for that I can’t speak too harshly of it. But not to worry, any damage done by this movie can be erased with a magical time altering device called a cinder block which can be powered whenever I slam my face into it.
Hoping to strike oil twice and smother our baby seal-like innocence like some BP prick, Disney has decided to spawn yet another Pirates of the Caribbean movie. Only this time around it takes place in the desert and Captain Jack Sparrow is an aging Doctor Octopus. I am of course referring to last weekend’s box office blunder, The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.
For the uneducated, The Prince of Persia is a long running video game franchise, and while this is the kind of movie that brings back painful memories of that dream I had where I was Jody Foster in a room of pinball machines, I nevertheless went into the theaters with my head held high. This was Disney after all, and while Disney has spawned some atrocious things over the years, they have also proven themselves as a remarkably creative company. After all, any company that can take an amusement park ride and translate it into one of the most entertaining and memorable popcorn movies of the last decade can surely provide us with a video game movie adaptation that won’t have me burning out all those childhood memories of playing the game by inserting a sparkler into my ear. Right? Without beating around the bush, let me provide you with an answer. No – erm, maybe.
Saying that this was one of the best video game adaptations of all time isn’t necessarily a point in its favor, but that’s the general conclusion I arrived at. I realize that isn’t a very clear cut answer, and probably not the thing that a person wants to hear when they read a movie review. So I’ll tell you what, seeing as how I view myself as a professional in the same way a rodeo clown might be seen as a professional horse therapist, I’ll go into a bit more depth and try to excavate a more palatable critique.
The movie begins when a nation of ass-hats that might as well be an allegory for most contemporary war hungry titans, gee I wonder who that could be, storms a holy kingdom in an attempt to prevent them from manufacturing weapons for enemy states. Well surprise, surprise, turns out there were no weapons and the whole attack was issued to seize control of some sacred dagger that can turn back time. The perpetrator was Sir Ben Kingsley, and if you think I just spoiled the movie by revealing to you that Ben Kingsley was the antagonist then let me take this time to also spoil the fact that starting into the sun for extended periods may cause complications during future movie viewings. So after the invasion takes place Ben Kingsley’s brother, who is king, gets a nasty rash from his Pajamas and Jake Gyllenhaal, the street rat prince, has the blame placed squarely on his shoulders. Rather than put him on trial, the castle guards get the crafty idea of dropping a jet turbine on ol’ Jake, but seeing as how he seemingly survived that twice now they instead try to cut him down on the spot. Jake escapes, takes the princess of the castle with him, and the two embark on a quest to right what is wrong and stop the nefarious plot. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before.
Yes, we are looking at a pretty typical adventure movie, but that isn’t all bad. Most teachers will tell English students that the heart and soul of writing lies in the characters. If the audience can connect and feel compassion for the characters and their actions then congratulations, you have an engaging story. Sadly the characters are about as fresh and interesting as a bloated corpse with a television set on its back displaying Ben Stein detailing how the murder occurred.
The protagonist is played by Jake Gyllenhaal whom I haven’t seen in a while; no doubt coming back to the big screen to contend with the likes of the Gyllenhaal family Skeksis swamp hag, you know, the thing that was in The Dark Knight? I think it might be their pet or something. And to be fair, Jake gives a decent enough performance considering what he is being offered here. There is some sincerity to his deliverance and whenever possible I noticed a sliver of cleverness poking out of his chiseled pecks, but when you go over the whole thing with a fine toothed comb you notice that just like a prostitute’s soul, the character is completely nonexistent and that protrusion is just an erect nipple. He’s eye candy for the ladies to flick their bean to and fills the shoes of the young and daring prince rather well I must say.
Then there’s the female support who might as well be a cardboard cutout standing in a Suncoast video store. Admittedly she is round where it counts, if you catch my perverted drift; in fact, since I can’t remember her character’s name or her real life name, let’s just call her Tits. So Tits is some holy woman who is well trained in the protection of sacred artifacts, and by well trained I mean she has no combat or mystical techniques whatsoever and easily bends over for insertion once someone takes possession of her boon. That’s not all, she is also an isolated princess with no understanding of the outside world, hurray! I was starting to care about her. This archetype of the naive princess can be a lot of fun if you’re smart, unlike the screenwriter for this movie, but here it just comes off as boring and retarded. I half expected a scene with her staring into a pond trying to figure out why the palace servants would put water out in the middle of the desert. And of course, despite her absolute hatred of Jake Gyllenhaal she has a complete character reversal halfway through the movie and begins to fall for the lug; umm, consistency? People will correct me and try to tell me that this was some destined love thing based on future events of the movie, but I don’t buy it. Princess Tits goes from a hormonally PMS raging Velociraptor with sand up its clam to a swooning sleepy-eyed stereotype all because her kidnapper put his hand on hers. Never heard of Stockholm syndrome being used as an aphrodisiac before, but now that it’s on the table I think I’ll go ahead with my plot to kidnap Rihanna.
So with bland characters and an uninteresting plot the only thing left to fall back on is the action and set pieces, and surprisingly this is where the movie excels. Given the fact that this is a Disney movie, the budget definitely shows. The special effects are spectacular and what are most impressive are the locations and set pieces. Unlike a lot of movies these days that rely on CGing the whole damn thing, a lot of the sets have an authenticity to them. Most were filmed on location in beautiful desert vistas while others look like studio mock-ups that were hand crafted by master set designers. This actually wins the movie a few bonus points although to be fair it is still just sand and mountains most of the time giving the movie little color outside various shades of brown. This sort of color selection reminds me a lot of current generation video games and seeing as how this is based on the more recent Prince of Persia games this may in fact be a subtle homage. Clever. Oh wait, no; “horseshit” is what I meant to say.
Also, the movie pays respect to the video game by featuring several “free-running” scenes where the characters jump from roof to roof, scaffold to scaffold, silliness to kookiness, et cetera. In case you readers have fallen asleep the past few years, that real life sport of free running (designed by people in desperate need to collect on life insurance I guess) has got its fingers wrapped tightly around the neck of all platform action titles. People seem to forget that this sort of game play has actually existed as far back as pitfall and the original Prince of Persia titles in the ‘80s. For those of us who know we’ll just keep our mouths shut and let the kiddies continue to believe that glittering vampires are a good idea. Thankfully, these moments of the movie do well to pump the movie with some much needed excitement and action.
On a craftsmen’s level the movie holds up well outside of the glaring editing mistakes. This is most apparent in the early portions of the movie. Whoever was editing this must have been busy staring at his hand the whole time he was cutting between scenes. To say its jarring is like saying Uwe Bowl is a bad director, it’s damn obvious and defies logic as it seems like it would require a specific kind of talent or skill to be this bad.
On a final note, one thing that does beg to be mentioned is the time reverting element of the movie. Time traveling plots are always shaky as it eliminates any sort of tension that might exist in the movie. What’s the harm in someone dying when you can just go back, prevent said expiration and bonk the baddy over the head for being a dick? Luckily that is somewhat dispelled in this movie with the convenient plot device of fuel for the mystical time traveling dagger. Rather than have an unlimited supply of DeLorean juice, the dagger requires very specific sand which is in limited supply. As a result time traveling can only occur in short bursts and only happens maybe 4 times throughout the entirety of the movie. Here I was worrying that they’d be jumping back and forth as fast as a sugar-buzzed 5 year old with the taco shits trying to find the one working bathroom stall out of 100.
So again, returning to my original thoughts on the movie let me sum it up like this. Meh. The movie isn’t bad, it’s not great, it’s not really anything. By the time I left the theaters I was sure I had seen one of the best video game movies of all time, but being the best video game movie is a lot like being the best Sonic the Hedgehog game of the past decade: it’s not a particularly fascinating or challenging accomplishment, nobody cares, and the only thing it does is reminds people of the older source material that they could be spending their free time with. Still, the movie succeeds at being a big budget summer action flick and for that I can’t speak too harshly of it. But not to worry, any damage done by this movie can be erased with a magical time altering device called a cinder block which can be powered whenever I slam my face into it.
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