Crossover Events. Part 3: Reloaded

This morning I came to the realization that maybe I was a tad harsh on DC in yesterday’s post. To prove that I am an unbiased and fair critic, I will call a truce with DC for this once and shower praise upon it while throwing Marvel into the mud. I hope that makes you viewers out there happy, and I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you. Now, if you haven’t read part one and two, do so now and then come back here for the finale.



About a month ago I finished the Blackest Night crossover event and I was rather impressed. After checking to make sure blood was not boiling from the Earth’s surface and the clouds were still made from water and not Satan’s piss, I turned back to the comic and let out a sigh of relief. Finally, something worth a damn, my whole day had changed in a matter of seconds. No longer was I a bitter, self-loathing, misanthrope, I now had the urge to hug my fellow man and pet kittens with my hands rather than a pizza cutter

To clarify, the reason I enjoyed Blackest Night so much was that it was everything a crossover event should be. For the most part, even though the story dealt with an enormous catastrophe that required the assistance of most the DCU, it still focused on the Green Lantern characters and revolved almost entirely around their history - for the most part. This was a huge relief, because it meant that anyone who had been reading Geoff Johns Green Lantern run was able to keep it together and understand exactly what was going on. The story was self-contained, it wrapped up neatly while simultaneously opening the path for a new adventure for these characters, and it didn’t demand too much outside reading. However, there was something wrong with the last page. The same thing that is wrong with any comic that ends before the beginning of a new crossover event, the checklist.

Suddenly, I was having a nightmare. I was back in school and taking a test. Surely I had time to prepare for this, right? Oh yeah, that mound of homework they assigned for me. Well sorry, but I was far too busy playing video games to give a flying Frenchman about all that research. Yes, this had to be a dream that would at least explain why I was naked.

*sigh* To explain, a checklist is a detailed listing of all comics the company suggests you read to understand the full story of the next crossover; or as I see it, a full list of where to spend your disposable income for the next few months. Oh lovely, remember getting that pamphlet the last time you went into a movie, remember that pamphlet having a crossword puzzle on it that helped to explain the middle act? The Evil Dead movies did not require you to read “expanded universe” material and they were excellent films. Did the Phantom Menace leave plot holes and mysteries unanswered that could only be explained in outside material? Oh wait – scratch that last one. In fact, that’s my point right there! Crossover events like any other story need to be self contained.

Let’s use our imaginations for a bit, children. Reed Richards uses the awesome power of science to coat the earth in a thin layer of chocolate pudding. Galactus having just returned from burning man smells this delicious experimentation and once again goes for a late night fourth meal of Earth accented with a side of moon. Sensing the danger that Galactus might pose, Reed Richard and the rest of the Fantastic 4 summon all of Marvel’s superheroes to fight. This is exciting! This could be really fun in an IQ 60 drooling on your bib sort of way. But before you go on, you really need to read The Vision #876578678….

Why? Why should the audience have to suffer through this? Is it really necessary to force your readers to tolerate 25 pages about a green android they know very little about just to find out why the character is in this crossover event and spreading radioactive chocolate jimmies on the Earth? No, its not. The checklist is just a way to ensure that people are buying as many issues from the publisher as possible.

Oh, but of course if you REALLY wanted to know everything that was going on, you could always buy the compendiums for $50-$100, or go to the Marvel website and do some research on the characters to familiarize yourself with their backgrounds, or just go to Wikipedia and waste the next 6 hours of your life probing away for the answer to why The Hulk’s pants manage to stay intact when he goes berserk. Keep it simple! If you are going to make a crossover event, have the audience focus on only a select group of characters and have the rest for window dressing. And while you’re at it, be sure it tells a complete story that can be completed in 6-10 issues.

Ugh, you know what? I give up. Just take it, take it all. You can have your stupid comic crossovers, I’ll just go on pretending like they don’t happen. I’ll go on pretending that mutants do not exist in the regular Marvel universe. I’ll pretend that Gotham city resides in some parallel world where flying space men can’t steal all of our designer red underoos. But how? You know what? I’ve got an idea for a crossover, how about a pillow case and a collection of hammers do battle with my head!