Late Intro

The coconut crab that nests on top of my head keeping my eyelids pried open has recently started nibbling at my brain. Since I enjoy living a bit too much I removed the cheeky bastard and threw him into a pot for dinner, but now I am having a difficult time remaining conscious. Several variant methods to stay awake were employed, but none have the same effectiveness as a giant head crab, go figure.

Since I am too tired to write anything witty tonight I am going to keep this one brief. In fact, don’t expect the same Alfred Lord Tennyson length blogs like yesterday during the weekdays; in fact, don’t expect me to write anything of that length ever again. A much better approach (I think) would be to segment my long articles into smaller portions and serve them in tiny bite sized meals since I assume most of you are Americans and therefore fat. Besides, it takes too much effort to be creative. Unlike some people out there I work for a living, and no, I would not count gold farming in MMOs as work as it sits nestled snuggly in the pyramid of importance next to a dietitian telling a fat kid that the deep fried pork intestine diet is the only way they’ll avoid that amputation.

Now I couldn’t help but notice my first two posts had all the cordiality of a drunken frat boy who breaks the ice with women using farts followed by the inquiry of tit ogling. Not wanting to tarnish my brand name I thought it would be appropriate to spend this short writing period giving a proper introduction of myself. Afterwards we can get down and deep with the dirty stuff - if that sort of thing gets your goat - which, I hope it does.

I am Feudal Cactus, clearly not the name given to me by my parents much to my dismay, but an internet moniker I chose for myself for no particular reason, but if you want something with a bit more juice to it I’m sure I can conjure up something to your liking. Follow these instructions: grab a cheese grater, grate your neighbor’s cat into a fine powder, snort cat powder, wait for mystical walrus in purple tunic to appear at your doorstep, and buy his encyclopedias. I’m listed in there somewhere, probably in the E-G book although I may also have a listing in the C-D tome. Honestly, you should just buy them all as that walrus is a keen individual who’s trying to send his kid to college. So if you like children (but not in a creepy van driving candy distributing sort of way), then help the walrus out, otherwise give Chris Hanson a visit and jump off a bridge.

Let’s continue.

I enjoy writing, drawing, taking long walks across zombie infested plague lands, and insulting the very nerd culture that I have been spawned from thanks to a strange masochistic driving force that compels me to do so. So you can look forward to all sorts of cynical ramblings in the future which I hope will be posted on a daily basis, because let’s be honest with ourselves, there simply isn’t enough of this on the internet as it is.

Tomorrow I will be posting the first part of a blog about comic book cross-over events; that or a video clip of a man getting his scrotum bitten off by a dog. Either way it will be informative.